Long time, no post

I don't know if anyone is still checking for posts, since I haven't posted in quite awhile, but here you go.

The last few weeks have been very, very tough, on Mom especially. I think all the classic cliches about being numb at first and then everything hitting you at once really apply here. It all started around Mom and Dad's anniversary, March 11. She had a really hard time with that one. But so far, we are muddling through, one day at a time. I find that work is the best time of day for me personally--that I am able to deal in a very detached way while working. It is when I am alone--in the car, cooking dinner, or going to sleep--that things start to puddle in my mind. In fact, going to sleep has become a difficult time for me for the first time in my life. (Funny, since Daddy was always a problem sleeper--apparently he decided to bequeath that to me).

Mark and I did get down to Slidell to visit with Aunt Sandy and Uncle Wyatt, along with Grandma and all the other family, for spring break. It was the most wonderful trip I have had in a long, long time. It did my heart good just to spend time with family. I have never in my life gone to Slidell and not had a fantastic time, but this was just great. We had a super family gathering for Lee's birthday on Saturday night, and all the family was there. Danny, Uncle Fred, Lee, Jeffrey, Tommy, Susan, Dennis, Melissa, Aunt June, Uncle Courtney, Grandma, and of course Aunt Sandy and Uncle Wyatt were all part of the celebration.

Mark and I went without our kiddos, so we took advantage of the opportunity to have some grown-up time, including going into the Quarter for an afternoon. We were glad to see them when we got back, though!

Please continue to pray for Mom! Laura and I (and the rest of our siblings) live in our own houses and have spouses and kids and jobs to keep us occupied, but Mom is there in an empty house that is full of 28 years of memories, and while she is keeping very busy and really doing fabulously, I truly can't imagine what that must be like.

Hospice Donation Info

Several people have asked me about making memorial donations for Dad. Mom has asked that all contributions be made to Hospice. I truly, truly cannot say enough kind words about the people with Hospice. They were amazing. Every single person we dealt with was wonderful, but Freda, Dad's main nurse, was just an outstanding human being. I honestly don't know how they do the job they do each and every day--surrounded by dying patients and grieving families--but they do, and they make you feel like you are absolutely the most important person they have encountered all day.

The address is as follows, for those who wish to make donations:

Family Home Care and Hospice
175 24th Street NW
Cleveland, TN 37311

I thank each of you who has asked about this. What a loving way to remember Dad!

Mom

I was asked to post an update on how Mom is doing, and I thought that might be a good idea. She is doing as best as can be expected under the circumstances, I think. The last couple of days have been the roughest. The people from Hospice told her that it would really start to hit two or three weeks after the fact, and it has been (believe it or not) almost two weeks.

I think we are all feeling it right about now. I am having a tough time, Danny is having a tough time, and Mom is, too. I don't mean that we're sitting around sobbing all day, but it's definitely a process. Today was my first day back at work, and it was brutal.

Mom did take Laura and me and our families to dinner last night, and that was really nice. She seemed okay through all of that. I really don't know what else to say. I think we're all just trying to take it one day at a time right now. I haven't talked to Laura about it in the last day or two, so I can't really speak as to how she is doing, but I'm sure she's much the same as the rest of us. It just takes time.

Please continue to remember us in your prayers--especially Mom.

Everyone is gone.

Everyone is gone.

The last out-of-towners, my brother and one of my sisters, left this morning. So now we begin the business of settling down and getting back to "normal," whatever that is.

I have been vacillating wildly between being "okay" and being consumed with crushing grief. My husband told me that the process will probably be similar to when his parents' house burned down ten years ago; for months--maybe even years--you think of things you lost in the fire. And I think he is right. It seems as though dozens of times a day I think of new things that I have lost with Dad. His biscuits and gravy; the fish tails he made especially for me; driving up to my parents' house and seeing him out by his boat, smoking; watching him crank his boat back up on the trailer; seeing him open up his cooler to show me his latest catch; hearing him answer the phone with his sarcastic, drawling, "Whaaaaaaaat?" and so on... I wonder how long it will go on. Will I ever stop thinking of the losses?

Dan is in a new phase where he likes to pretend he is someone else (I went out to my in-laws the other night to pick him up, and he had decided that he was Graddy and that Graddy was Dan), and last night, he christened me Papa. Then today he decided that my mom was Papa. But other than that, he has not said a single word about Papa. It makes me wonder what he does and does not understand. On the one hand, I don't want to keep bringing it up and risk freaking Dan out; on the other hand, I don't want to take the chance of letting Daddy fade away in Dan's mind. It's a fine line to walk.

I head back to work on Tuesday, and I have no idea what I will find when I get there. I fully intended every single day this week to go in and put together work for my kids, and I just never could do it. I was too afraid I'd fall apart. My co-workers, bless their hearts, have been incredible. But my poor kids will have to work double-time when I get back to make up for the lost time. Maybe it will keep my mind off of things.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Please pray for my mom as she faces her first Valentine's Day without her mate.

Funeral, Burial, and Slideshow

The funeral was beautiful. Laura's best friend sang, which was so moving, and the message was wonderful. I think Daddy would have liked it.

I couldn't believe how many people came to the graveside service. I was in the limo with Mom, Grandma, and my four siblings, and every time I looked behind us, I couldn't even see the end of the procession. The drive from the church to the gravesite is a few miles, and it once again made me proud to be a Southerner, with our manners and traditions. 95% of people still pull over for funeral processions, and we passed a group of utility workers who all removed their hard hats out of respect. It was lovely.

There must have been 70 people at the graveside, and the day was just beautiful, although a bit on the windy side. For February, though, the temperature was very mild.

After the graveside service, most of us went to change clothes, and then we all met back at Laura's church for the traditional post-funeral meal (you know how it is in the South: people die; we cook.). It was a really nice time of fellowship for our family and close friends.

It was at Laura's church that I found out my Uncle Wayne had been sick all night the previous evening. I had no idea at the funeral, but I wasn't exactly focused on anything but Daddy. He apparently came down with some sort of tummy bug, and then...they started dropping like flies. Talk about adding insult to injury! A good number of the out-of-towners came down with it, and I can't imagine anything worse than having to travel like that! How awful! Uncle Wayne and his crew left yesterday morning, with a 16-hour drive back to Texas ahead of them, and I can only hope that all of the rest of them made it without getting ill.

Many of you have asked about the tribute slideshow that Mark made for Daddy's services. We will still make DVDs for anyone who wants them (and he still intends to add quite a bit to it--other photos, as well as some video taken over the years), but the version from the visitation and funeral is available here, for those who would like to view it online.

Visitation and Tribute Video

Wow.

I am absolutely in awe of how many people came to Daddy's visitation this evening. A close family friend did a rough count of the number of people who signed the guest book and came up with over 500.

Wow.

Dad would be absolutely tickled pink if he knew that many people came out to pay their respects. It is truly a testament to his life and the kind of person he was. So many of his Watts Bar co-workers came out, and one of them said the greatest thing: "Doug could get more done on accident than most people do on purpose." I loved it.

I was utterly and completely exhausted by the end of the evening, but I was just so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that was displayed tonight. Thank you to each and every one of you who took time out of your evening to pay your respects to my father.

A special thank you to my precious husband, who absolutely HATES doing slideshows, but who put together an absolutely phenomenal slideshow tribute to my father. Many, many people have asked for a copy, and of course we WILL make copies for those who want them, but in the meantime, Mark is going to upload the tribute video to our family website. He has not done so yet, but when he does (possibly as early as later tonight), I will post an update here, on the blog, with a link to the video. Be warned: if you are not a fan of fish, this video is not for you!

PS--If you have been keeping up with this blog, will you please send me an email at holly@kesley.com with your name? I have been completely astonished at the number of people who have told me they have kept up with Dad through this blog, and I would like to have a number (and a list of names) to share with Mom, so she can see how many people cared through this entire process. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mind dropping me a note. Thanks.

Arrangements and Directions

Funeral arrangements for Daddy are as follows:

Visitation will be Monday, February 9 from 2-4 pm and 6-9 pm at Grissom Funeral Home. The funeral will be Tuesday, February 10 at 11 am at First Baptist Church.

Directions to funeral home:

From I-75, take exit 25. At the bottom of the exit ramp, go east (left if you are coming from Chattanooga, right if you are coming from Knoxville). Go to the fifth traffic light (this is Ocoee Street) and turn left. The funeral home will be about a quarter mile on your right.

Directions to First Baptist Church:

From I-75, take exit 25. At the bottom of the exit ramp, go east. Go to the fifth traffic light (Ocoee Street). Turn right. You will stay on Ocoee Street past a middle school and Lee University. Just past Lee University, the road splits (there is a Civil War monument right in the middle of the split and the public library will be on your left, so look for those landmarks). You will turn left on Central Avenue (less than a quarter mile past the split). You will go two blocks and see First Baptist Church on your left.

Please email me at holly@kesley.com if you have any questions. I'm sorry not to write more, but it has been a very long day. I will try to write more about the evening of Daddy's passing in the next few days. Tomorrow morning is my grandmother's visitation and funeral, so tomorrow will be a long one, as well. I am tempted to comment on how horrible it is that all of this happened together, and that I can't imagine that things could be much worse, but it would be a lie. Things could ALWAYS be worse, and I am still thankful for the many blessings I have.