Several people have asked me about making memorial donations for Dad. Mom has asked that all contributions be made to Hospice. I truly, truly cannot say enough kind words about the people with Hospice. They were amazing. Every single person we dealt with was wonderful, but Freda, Dad's main nurse, was just an outstanding human being. I honestly don't know how they do the job they do each and every day--surrounded by dying patients and grieving families--but they do, and they make you feel like you are absolutely the most important person they have encountered all day.
The address is as follows, for those who wish to make donations:
Family Home Care and Hospice
175 24th Street NW
Cleveland, TN 37311
I thank each of you who has asked about this. What a loving way to remember Dad!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Mom
I was asked to post an update on how Mom is doing, and I thought that might be a good idea. She is doing as best as can be expected under the circumstances, I think. The last couple of days have been the roughest. The people from Hospice told her that it would really start to hit two or three weeks after the fact, and it has been (believe it or not) almost two weeks.
I think we are all feeling it right about now. I am having a tough time, Danny is having a tough time, and Mom is, too. I don't mean that we're sitting around sobbing all day, but it's definitely a process. Today was my first day back at work, and it was brutal.
Mom did take Laura and me and our families to dinner last night, and that was really nice. She seemed okay through all of that. I really don't know what else to say. I think we're all just trying to take it one day at a time right now. I haven't talked to Laura about it in the last day or two, so I can't really speak as to how she is doing, but I'm sure she's much the same as the rest of us. It just takes time.
Please continue to remember us in your prayers--especially Mom.
I think we are all feeling it right about now. I am having a tough time, Danny is having a tough time, and Mom is, too. I don't mean that we're sitting around sobbing all day, but it's definitely a process. Today was my first day back at work, and it was brutal.
Mom did take Laura and me and our families to dinner last night, and that was really nice. She seemed okay through all of that. I really don't know what else to say. I think we're all just trying to take it one day at a time right now. I haven't talked to Laura about it in the last day or two, so I can't really speak as to how she is doing, but I'm sure she's much the same as the rest of us. It just takes time.
Please continue to remember us in your prayers--especially Mom.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Everyone is gone.
Everyone is gone.
The last out-of-towners, my brother and one of my sisters, left this morning. So now we begin the business of settling down and getting back to "normal," whatever that is.
I have been vacillating wildly between being "okay" and being consumed with crushing grief. My husband told me that the process will probably be similar to when his parents' house burned down ten years ago; for months--maybe even years--you think of things you lost in the fire. And I think he is right. It seems as though dozens of times a day I think of new things that I have lost with Dad. His biscuits and gravy; the fish tails he made especially for me; driving up to my parents' house and seeing him out by his boat, smoking; watching him crank his boat back up on the trailer; seeing him open up his cooler to show me his latest catch; hearing him answer the phone with his sarcastic, drawling, "Whaaaaaaaat?" and so on... I wonder how long it will go on. Will I ever stop thinking of the losses?
Dan is in a new phase where he likes to pretend he is someone else (I went out to my in-laws the other night to pick him up, and he had decided that he was Graddy and that Graddy was Dan), and last night, he christened me Papa. Then today he decided that my mom was Papa. But other than that, he has not said a single word about Papa. It makes me wonder what he does and does not understand. On the one hand, I don't want to keep bringing it up and risk freaking Dan out; on the other hand, I don't want to take the chance of letting Daddy fade away in Dan's mind. It's a fine line to walk.
I head back to work on Tuesday, and I have no idea what I will find when I get there. I fully intended every single day this week to go in and put together work for my kids, and I just never could do it. I was too afraid I'd fall apart. My co-workers, bless their hearts, have been incredible. But my poor kids will have to work double-time when I get back to make up for the lost time. Maybe it will keep my mind off of things.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Please pray for my mom as she faces her first Valentine's Day without her mate.
The last out-of-towners, my brother and one of my sisters, left this morning. So now we begin the business of settling down and getting back to "normal," whatever that is.
I have been vacillating wildly between being "okay" and being consumed with crushing grief. My husband told me that the process will probably be similar to when his parents' house burned down ten years ago; for months--maybe even years--you think of things you lost in the fire. And I think he is right. It seems as though dozens of times a day I think of new things that I have lost with Dad. His biscuits and gravy; the fish tails he made especially for me; driving up to my parents' house and seeing him out by his boat, smoking; watching him crank his boat back up on the trailer; seeing him open up his cooler to show me his latest catch; hearing him answer the phone with his sarcastic, drawling, "Whaaaaaaaat?" and so on... I wonder how long it will go on. Will I ever stop thinking of the losses?
Dan is in a new phase where he likes to pretend he is someone else (I went out to my in-laws the other night to pick him up, and he had decided that he was Graddy and that Graddy was Dan), and last night, he christened me Papa. Then today he decided that my mom was Papa. But other than that, he has not said a single word about Papa. It makes me wonder what he does and does not understand. On the one hand, I don't want to keep bringing it up and risk freaking Dan out; on the other hand, I don't want to take the chance of letting Daddy fade away in Dan's mind. It's a fine line to walk.
I head back to work on Tuesday, and I have no idea what I will find when I get there. I fully intended every single day this week to go in and put together work for my kids, and I just never could do it. I was too afraid I'd fall apart. My co-workers, bless their hearts, have been incredible. But my poor kids will have to work double-time when I get back to make up for the lost time. Maybe it will keep my mind off of things.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Please pray for my mom as she faces her first Valentine's Day without her mate.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Funeral, Burial, and Slideshow
The funeral was beautiful. Laura's best friend sang, which was so moving, and the message was wonderful. I think Daddy would have liked it.
I couldn't believe how many people came to the graveside service. I was in the limo with Mom, Grandma, and my four siblings, and every time I looked behind us, I couldn't even see the end of the procession. The drive from the church to the gravesite is a few miles, and it once again made me proud to be a Southerner, with our manners and traditions. 95% of people still pull over for funeral processions, and we passed a group of utility workers who all removed their hard hats out of respect. It was lovely.
There must have been 70 people at the graveside, and the day was just beautiful, although a bit on the windy side. For February, though, the temperature was very mild.
After the graveside service, most of us went to change clothes, and then we all met back at Laura's church for the traditional post-funeral meal (you know how it is in the South: people die; we cook.). It was a really nice time of fellowship for our family and close friends.
It was at Laura's church that I found out my Uncle Wayne had been sick all night the previous evening. I had no idea at the funeral, but I wasn't exactly focused on anything but Daddy. He apparently came down with some sort of tummy bug, and then...they started dropping like flies. Talk about adding insult to injury! A good number of the out-of-towners came down with it, and I can't imagine anything worse than having to travel like that! How awful! Uncle Wayne and his crew left yesterday morning, with a 16-hour drive back to Texas ahead of them, and I can only hope that all of the rest of them made it without getting ill.
Many of you have asked about the tribute slideshow that Mark made for Daddy's services. We will still make DVDs for anyone who wants them (and he still intends to add quite a bit to it--other photos, as well as some video taken over the years), but the version from the visitation and funeral is available here, for those who would like to view it online.
I couldn't believe how many people came to the graveside service. I was in the limo with Mom, Grandma, and my four siblings, and every time I looked behind us, I couldn't even see the end of the procession. The drive from the church to the gravesite is a few miles, and it once again made me proud to be a Southerner, with our manners and traditions. 95% of people still pull over for funeral processions, and we passed a group of utility workers who all removed their hard hats out of respect. It was lovely.
There must have been 70 people at the graveside, and the day was just beautiful, although a bit on the windy side. For February, though, the temperature was very mild.
After the graveside service, most of us went to change clothes, and then we all met back at Laura's church for the traditional post-funeral meal (you know how it is in the South: people die; we cook.). It was a really nice time of fellowship for our family and close friends.
It was at Laura's church that I found out my Uncle Wayne had been sick all night the previous evening. I had no idea at the funeral, but I wasn't exactly focused on anything but Daddy. He apparently came down with some sort of tummy bug, and then...they started dropping like flies. Talk about adding insult to injury! A good number of the out-of-towners came down with it, and I can't imagine anything worse than having to travel like that! How awful! Uncle Wayne and his crew left yesterday morning, with a 16-hour drive back to Texas ahead of them, and I can only hope that all of the rest of them made it without getting ill.
Many of you have asked about the tribute slideshow that Mark made for Daddy's services. We will still make DVDs for anyone who wants them (and he still intends to add quite a bit to it--other photos, as well as some video taken over the years), but the version from the visitation and funeral is available here, for those who would like to view it online.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Visitation and Tribute Video
Wow.
I am absolutely in awe of how many people came to Daddy's visitation this evening. A close family friend did a rough count of the number of people who signed the guest book and came up with over 500.
Wow.
Dad would be absolutely tickled pink if he knew that many people came out to pay their respects. It is truly a testament to his life and the kind of person he was. So many of his Watts Bar co-workers came out, and one of them said the greatest thing: "Doug could get more done on accident than most people do on purpose." I loved it.
I was utterly and completely exhausted by the end of the evening, but I was just so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that was displayed tonight. Thank you to each and every one of you who took time out of your evening to pay your respects to my father.
A special thank you to my precious husband, who absolutely HATES doing slideshows, but who put together an absolutely phenomenal slideshow tribute to my father. Many, many people have asked for a copy, and of course we WILL make copies for those who want them, but in the meantime, Mark is going to upload the tribute video to our family website. He has not done so yet, but when he does (possibly as early as later tonight), I will post an update here, on the blog, with a link to the video. Be warned: if you are not a fan of fish, this video is not for you!
PS--If you have been keeping up with this blog, will you please send me an email at holly@kesley.com with your name? I have been completely astonished at the number of people who have told me they have kept up with Dad through this blog, and I would like to have a number (and a list of names) to share with Mom, so she can see how many people cared through this entire process. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mind dropping me a note. Thanks.
I am absolutely in awe of how many people came to Daddy's visitation this evening. A close family friend did a rough count of the number of people who signed the guest book and came up with over 500.
Wow.
Dad would be absolutely tickled pink if he knew that many people came out to pay their respects. It is truly a testament to his life and the kind of person he was. So many of his Watts Bar co-workers came out, and one of them said the greatest thing: "Doug could get more done on accident than most people do on purpose." I loved it.
I was utterly and completely exhausted by the end of the evening, but I was just so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that was displayed tonight. Thank you to each and every one of you who took time out of your evening to pay your respects to my father.
A special thank you to my precious husband, who absolutely HATES doing slideshows, but who put together an absolutely phenomenal slideshow tribute to my father. Many, many people have asked for a copy, and of course we WILL make copies for those who want them, but in the meantime, Mark is going to upload the tribute video to our family website. He has not done so yet, but when he does (possibly as early as later tonight), I will post an update here, on the blog, with a link to the video. Be warned: if you are not a fan of fish, this video is not for you!
PS--If you have been keeping up with this blog, will you please send me an email at holly@kesley.com with your name? I have been completely astonished at the number of people who have told me they have kept up with Dad through this blog, and I would like to have a number (and a list of names) to share with Mom, so she can see how many people cared through this entire process. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mind dropping me a note. Thanks.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Arrangements and Directions
Funeral arrangements for Daddy are as follows:
Visitation will be Monday, February 9 from 2-4 pm and 6-9 pm at Grissom Funeral Home. The funeral will be Tuesday, February 10 at 11 am at First Baptist Church.
Directions to funeral home:
From I-75, take exit 25. At the bottom of the exit ramp, go east (left if you are coming from Chattanooga, right if you are coming from Knoxville). Go to the fifth traffic light (this is Ocoee Street) and turn left. The funeral home will be about a quarter mile on your right.
Directions to First Baptist Church:
From I-75, take exit 25. At the bottom of the exit ramp, go east. Go to the fifth traffic light (Ocoee Street). Turn right. You will stay on Ocoee Street past a middle school and Lee University. Just past Lee University, the road splits (there is a Civil War monument right in the middle of the split and the public library will be on your left, so look for those landmarks). You will turn left on Central Avenue (less than a quarter mile past the split). You will go two blocks and see First Baptist Church on your left.
Please email me at holly@kesley.com if you have any questions. I'm sorry not to write more, but it has been a very long day. I will try to write more about the evening of Daddy's passing in the next few days. Tomorrow morning is my grandmother's visitation and funeral, so tomorrow will be a long one, as well. I am tempted to comment on how horrible it is that all of this happened together, and that I can't imagine that things could be much worse, but it would be a lie. Things could ALWAYS be worse, and I am still thankful for the many blessings I have.
Visitation will be Monday, February 9 from 2-4 pm and 6-9 pm at Grissom Funeral Home. The funeral will be Tuesday, February 10 at 11 am at First Baptist Church.
Directions to funeral home:
From I-75, take exit 25. At the bottom of the exit ramp, go east (left if you are coming from Chattanooga, right if you are coming from Knoxville). Go to the fifth traffic light (this is Ocoee Street) and turn left. The funeral home will be about a quarter mile on your right.
Directions to First Baptist Church:
From I-75, take exit 25. At the bottom of the exit ramp, go east. Go to the fifth traffic light (Ocoee Street). Turn right. You will stay on Ocoee Street past a middle school and Lee University. Just past Lee University, the road splits (there is a Civil War monument right in the middle of the split and the public library will be on your left, so look for those landmarks). You will turn left on Central Avenue (less than a quarter mile past the split). You will go two blocks and see First Baptist Church on your left.
Please email me at holly@kesley.com if you have any questions. I'm sorry not to write more, but it has been a very long day. I will try to write more about the evening of Daddy's passing in the next few days. Tomorrow morning is my grandmother's visitation and funeral, so tomorrow will be a long one, as well. I am tempted to comment on how horrible it is that all of this happened together, and that I can't imagine that things could be much worse, but it would be a lie. Things could ALWAYS be worse, and I am still thankful for the many blessings I have.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Peace at Last
Dear loved ones,
My dear, precious, flawed father passed away at about 9:45 this evening.
His passing was so peaceful, and for that I am thankful. All afternoon, he sounded horrible, rattling and gurgling as he struggled for breath. But later this evening, maybe around 8:00, the gurgling and rattling stopped. A little after that, he tried to open his eyes just a bit. We immediately crowded around him and began talking to him, telling him how much we love him and that it was okay to give up the fight. I do not know if he heard us, but it was so comforting to see some tiny bit of consciousness.
A little after 9:30, we began to notice that his breaths were slowing and becoming more shallow. They became more and more infrequent until finally there were no more.
Daddy was surrounded by people who loved him dearly, and what better way to go? In addition to Mom, Laura, Eric, and me, there were Darrell and Teresa, Joyce Moser, Aunt Carolyn, Uncle H.L., and Bill Griffith. Tim and Doris got there almost immediately (within a minute) after he died, and bless his heart, Eric Widner showed up about twenty minutes later. He tried desperately to make it, and just couldn't get there in time.
There is so much more to write, and Iwill try to do so tomorrow, but for now, I am beyond exhausted. All of the emotional numbness of the past few weeks fell away this afternoon, and I have not stopped crying. It will be a miracle if I am able to open my eyes in the morning.
I am thankful that God took Daddy home and spared him further indignity and suffering. I would give anything to have seen his face as he saw the face of God for the first time. I am thankful for our amazing friends and family.
Right now, very tentative plans are to have visitation from 2-4 and from 6-9 on Monday, with the funeral on Tuesday. I will post the definite arrangements tomorrow when they are finalized.
Thank you for your love, for your thoughts, for your kind deeds, and for your prayers.
Much love to you,
Holly
My dear, precious, flawed father passed away at about 9:45 this evening.
His passing was so peaceful, and for that I am thankful. All afternoon, he sounded horrible, rattling and gurgling as he struggled for breath. But later this evening, maybe around 8:00, the gurgling and rattling stopped. A little after that, he tried to open his eyes just a bit. We immediately crowded around him and began talking to him, telling him how much we love him and that it was okay to give up the fight. I do not know if he heard us, but it was so comforting to see some tiny bit of consciousness.
A little after 9:30, we began to notice that his breaths were slowing and becoming more shallow. They became more and more infrequent until finally there were no more.
Daddy was surrounded by people who loved him dearly, and what better way to go? In addition to Mom, Laura, Eric, and me, there were Darrell and Teresa, Joyce Moser, Aunt Carolyn, Uncle H.L., and Bill Griffith. Tim and Doris got there almost immediately (within a minute) after he died, and bless his heart, Eric Widner showed up about twenty minutes later. He tried desperately to make it, and just couldn't get there in time.
There is so much more to write, and Iwill try to do so tomorrow, but for now, I am beyond exhausted. All of the emotional numbness of the past few weeks fell away this afternoon, and I have not stopped crying. It will be a miracle if I am able to open my eyes in the morning.
I am thankful that God took Daddy home and spared him further indignity and suffering. I would give anything to have seen his face as he saw the face of God for the first time. I am thankful for our amazing friends and family.
Right now, very tentative plans are to have visitation from 2-4 and from 6-9 on Monday, with the funeral on Tuesday. I will post the definite arrangements tomorrow when they are finalized.
Thank you for your love, for your thoughts, for your kind deeds, and for your prayers.
Much love to you,
Holly
The fiery furnace
As many of you know (and some do not), I am a high school teacher. I teach in my school's "freshman academy," which is a fairly new concept in which we sort of sequester the freshmen from the rest of the student population so as to ease their transition into high school. We work in teams and have our own administrator in our building. This administrator, Mrs. Martha Frazier, is truly a blessing to work with. She is caring and understanding, and incredibly supportive. She is also a woman of God and has prayed mightily for our family through this entire process. Day before yesterday, we were talking about Dad's rapidly deteriorating condition, and I told her of my complete confidence that our God is absolutely capable of healing my father. There has never been a doubt in my mind that if it is His will, He can do so. The complication for many pepole comes in accepting that healing may not be His will. I can, however, accept it. This doesn't mean that I have loads more faith than anyone else; it's just something that I can easily accept. I don't know why.
At any rate, after I said this, she reminded me of the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the book of Daniel. I think most children who have grown up in church know this story, if for no other reason than the fact that there is a cute little song about it (and to this day, you can't mention those three names without the song getting stuck in my head!). But for those of you who are not familiar, I will summarize it for you. In Daniel 3, King Nebuchadnezzar creates a golden idol and commands all of his people to bow to it, lest they be thrown into a fiery furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refuse. When the King hears of this, he brings them in and asks them if what he has heard is true.
v. 16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, "King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If the God we serve is able to deliver us, then he will deliver us from the blazing furnace and from Your Majesty's hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Here, then, is the lesson: these three men know that their God is able to deliver them. But, friends, they also realize that he may choose not to do so. And yet, their faith is whole and complete.
For those of you who are wondering how the story ends, the King is enraged and orders the furnace made seven times hotter and the men tied up and thrown in. The furnace is, in fact, so hot that the guards who throw Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into the furnace are killed instantly. But to King Nebuchadnezzar's immense surprise, when he looks into the furnace, he sees the three men walking around, accompanied by a fourth figure. He orders them to come out of the furnace, which they do, and when they emerge, they are not burned, nor do they even smell of smoke. Nebuchadnezzar, needless to say, is then convinced of their God's superiority.
I say all of that to say this: the end, as it appears, is very near for my father. He has had nothing to eat or drink in days, and that in and of itself will do him in if it continues. But I do know that my God is capable of healing him, instantly, if He so desires. But I know that may not be His will and I accept it. Do I like it? No. Does my heart break? Yes. But to think that I, as a mere human, could ever second-guess God's will would be hubristic in the extreme.
So for those of you out there who are having difficulty grappling with this (and we all are), please be thankful for the time we have had with Daddy and be thankful that we serve a God who is willing and able to heal, but who sometimes has other plans that we can't quite understand yet. I trust that one day we will.
At any rate, after I said this, she reminded me of the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the book of Daniel. I think most children who have grown up in church know this story, if for no other reason than the fact that there is a cute little song about it (and to this day, you can't mention those three names without the song getting stuck in my head!). But for those of you who are not familiar, I will summarize it for you. In Daniel 3, King Nebuchadnezzar creates a golden idol and commands all of his people to bow to it, lest they be thrown into a fiery furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refuse. When the King hears of this, he brings them in and asks them if what he has heard is true.
v. 16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, "King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If the God we serve is able to deliver us, then he will deliver us from the blazing furnace and from Your Majesty's hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Here, then, is the lesson: these three men know that their God is able to deliver them. But, friends, they also realize that he may choose not to do so. And yet, their faith is whole and complete.
For those of you who are wondering how the story ends, the King is enraged and orders the furnace made seven times hotter and the men tied up and thrown in. The furnace is, in fact, so hot that the guards who throw Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into the furnace are killed instantly. But to King Nebuchadnezzar's immense surprise, when he looks into the furnace, he sees the three men walking around, accompanied by a fourth figure. He orders them to come out of the furnace, which they do, and when they emerge, they are not burned, nor do they even smell of smoke. Nebuchadnezzar, needless to say, is then convinced of their God's superiority.
I say all of that to say this: the end, as it appears, is very near for my father. He has had nothing to eat or drink in days, and that in and of itself will do him in if it continues. But I do know that my God is capable of healing him, instantly, if He so desires. But I know that may not be His will and I accept it. Do I like it? No. Does my heart break? Yes. But to think that I, as a mere human, could ever second-guess God's will would be hubristic in the extreme.
So for those of you out there who are having difficulty grappling with this (and we all are), please be thankful for the time we have had with Daddy and be thankful that we serve a God who is willing and able to heal, but who sometimes has other plans that we can't quite understand yet. I trust that one day we will.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Wednesday evening
We believe time is growing very short.
Dad is essentially sleeping 24 hours a day, waking for only seconds at a time, and in addition, he has begun making some horrible noises as he tries to cough something up--I don't know if it is just phlegm, or if his lungs have begun to fill with fluid, but it sounds terrible as he tries to dislodge whatever it is.
I know I don't have to say this, but it is truly, truly breathtakingly wrenching to see one's father in this condition, and so I think I speak for all of the immediate family when I say that if God is not going to heal him (and honestly, I can't possibly see how that is His plan, at this point), that we pray for the Lord to take our daddy as quickly as possible. I am so thankful that he seems to be very unaware, for the indignity of his situation strikes me anew every time I walk into Mom and Dad's house.
For now, although I am not a doctor, I will be bold enough to posit that we are looking at days. If you want my frank opinion, I'll be surprised if he makes it through the weekend, but please remember that we said that about my grandmother for three weeks. Truly, I have no idea what I'm talking about--it's just my humble opinion based on what I am seeing.
One last note--I have been so blessed by the emails I have gotten from so many of Dad's friends and family who read this blog. I honestly had no idea that there were so many. Thank you for your support, thoughts, prayers, and kind words. We are broken-hearted, but so blessed by those around us at this time.
Dad is essentially sleeping 24 hours a day, waking for only seconds at a time, and in addition, he has begun making some horrible noises as he tries to cough something up--I don't know if it is just phlegm, or if his lungs have begun to fill with fluid, but it sounds terrible as he tries to dislodge whatever it is.
I know I don't have to say this, but it is truly, truly breathtakingly wrenching to see one's father in this condition, and so I think I speak for all of the immediate family when I say that if God is not going to heal him (and honestly, I can't possibly see how that is His plan, at this point), that we pray for the Lord to take our daddy as quickly as possible. I am so thankful that he seems to be very unaware, for the indignity of his situation strikes me anew every time I walk into Mom and Dad's house.
For now, although I am not a doctor, I will be bold enough to posit that we are looking at days. If you want my frank opinion, I'll be surprised if he makes it through the weekend, but please remember that we said that about my grandmother for three weeks. Truly, I have no idea what I'm talking about--it's just my humble opinion based on what I am seeing.
One last note--I have been so blessed by the emails I have gotten from so many of Dad's friends and family who read this blog. I honestly had no idea that there were so many. Thank you for your support, thoughts, prayers, and kind words. We are broken-hearted, but so blessed by those around us at this time.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tuesday update
Hello, friends and family.
Today has been a long day. Let me give everyone out there a little piece of advice: PRE-ARRANGE YOUR FUNERALS! My dear grandmother was kind enough to do this for us last year, and we were STILL at the funeral home for close to two hours this morning--not to mention going to the cemetery to sign THOSE papers. Can you imagine how long it all would have taken had she not done us the favor of pre-arranging? Oy.
It was nice, getting to spend time with Mom, though. After we left the funeral home, we drove over the cemetery (which is just stupendously beautiful, with mountain views like you wouldn't believe!) and took care of that, then she and I went to lunch, and then I went to shop for something to bury Mom-o in, which I stressed endlessly over because I was doing it all alone and with no one else to approve. It took me ten times longer than I thought it would. I ended up snapping a very fuzzy picture with my phone, sending it to Mom, and asking for her approval. She said she liked it, based on what she could see, and that made me feel a bit better. Then I had to run it BACK over to the funeral home and pray no one would be unhappy with my choice. Then back to Cleveland to pick up my kiddos, who my precious mother-in-law graciously looked after all day long (they didn't have school today).
In the midst of all this, Aunt Carolyn and Uncle H.L. were looking after Dad, who had fallen asleep sometime after 8 last night, and had still not woken up when Mom left. Dad slept, and slept, and slept, and slept, and slept, until my mother (who was still in Chattanooga) began to actually worry that he had fallen into a coma. All told, he slept for about 18 hours, woke up when the Hospice nurse came to bathe him, and immediately fell back asleep. According to the Hospice nurse, this is just part of "the process."
I think we are all reaching a point of emotional exhaustion and numbness. I haven't cried in days and days--not even when I got the news about Mom-o. In fact, the only time I even shed a tear or two is when Mom broke down at the nursing home when we went to see her. I think, given the awful condition she has been in, it is more of a relief than anything. We know that she can finally see again, she can hear perfectly again, she can walk without assistance, and more than anything, she is back with her beloved husband!
Funeral arrangements are as follows: Visitation will be held at Heritage Funeral Home on East Brainerd Rd. in Chattanooga on Saturday from 10 am until noon, followed immediately by the funeral service. We will then have burial at Greenwood Cemetery.
Please keep praying for strength for Mom, for peace and comfort for Dad, and for blessings for all of his caretakers. Thank you for all the prayers for my grandmother. I'm glad her suffering did not drag on any longer than it did.
Today has been a long day. Let me give everyone out there a little piece of advice: PRE-ARRANGE YOUR FUNERALS! My dear grandmother was kind enough to do this for us last year, and we were STILL at the funeral home for close to two hours this morning--not to mention going to the cemetery to sign THOSE papers. Can you imagine how long it all would have taken had she not done us the favor of pre-arranging? Oy.
It was nice, getting to spend time with Mom, though. After we left the funeral home, we drove over the cemetery (which is just stupendously beautiful, with mountain views like you wouldn't believe!) and took care of that, then she and I went to lunch, and then I went to shop for something to bury Mom-o in, which I stressed endlessly over because I was doing it all alone and with no one else to approve. It took me ten times longer than I thought it would. I ended up snapping a very fuzzy picture with my phone, sending it to Mom, and asking for her approval. She said she liked it, based on what she could see, and that made me feel a bit better. Then I had to run it BACK over to the funeral home and pray no one would be unhappy with my choice. Then back to Cleveland to pick up my kiddos, who my precious mother-in-law graciously looked after all day long (they didn't have school today).
In the midst of all this, Aunt Carolyn and Uncle H.L. were looking after Dad, who had fallen asleep sometime after 8 last night, and had still not woken up when Mom left. Dad slept, and slept, and slept, and slept, and slept, until my mother (who was still in Chattanooga) began to actually worry that he had fallen into a coma. All told, he slept for about 18 hours, woke up when the Hospice nurse came to bathe him, and immediately fell back asleep. According to the Hospice nurse, this is just part of "the process."
I think we are all reaching a point of emotional exhaustion and numbness. I haven't cried in days and days--not even when I got the news about Mom-o. In fact, the only time I even shed a tear or two is when Mom broke down at the nursing home when we went to see her. I think, given the awful condition she has been in, it is more of a relief than anything. We know that she can finally see again, she can hear perfectly again, she can walk without assistance, and more than anything, she is back with her beloved husband!
Funeral arrangements are as follows: Visitation will be held at Heritage Funeral Home on East Brainerd Rd. in Chattanooga on Saturday from 10 am until noon, followed immediately by the funeral service. We will then have burial at Greenwood Cemetery.
Please keep praying for strength for Mom, for peace and comfort for Dad, and for blessings for all of his caretakers. Thank you for all the prayers for my grandmother. I'm glad her suffering did not drag on any longer than it did.
Monday, February 2, 2009
My apologies...
To those who rely on this blog for updates (I really had no idea how many of you there are!), I apologize that I have not updated in the past five days. I have really been in a funk these last few days and have just not had the mental energy to do so.
First of all, my dear, sweet grandmother passed away today. Thankfully, I was at Mom and Dad's house when the call came, and since Mom was busy with Dad, I took the call. I then broke the news to Mom, which I am sure I did badly, since I've never had to break that kind of news to anyone before. But Mom handled it with grace and she and Laura and I went to the nursing home to be with her and say goodbye before the gentleman from the funeral home got there.
While we were gone, Tim, Joyce Masoner, and the precious hospice nurse, Freda, were with Dad. According to Freda, Dad is "moving through the stages." I'm not sure exactly how quickly he is doing so, but she gives me the feeling that she thinks he might be moving at a quick pace. I really don't know. Things are much the same, though--Dad has some lucid moments, and some that are not so lucid. He is very difficult to understand, and incredibly weak.
Another note: many friends and family have expressed to me that they are grappling with whether or not to call to check up on Mom and Dad. They don't want to be a nuisance; neither do they want to seem unconcerned. Thank you for asking about this! Let me throw this out there--Mom is SO incredibly appreciative of how much everyone cares, but yes, the phone IS ringing off the hook! And of course it is emotionally draining for her to have to recount Dad's condition over and over again. So if you are a regular caregiver or someone who has been in and out, by all means, call. If you are just wanting to check in and see what's needed, please, call Laura or me. Laura can be reached at 423-559-1944 or 423-718-8990. I can be reached at 423-479-4839 or 423-650-5443. We will let you know if anything is needed and we will relay any messages on to Mom. You can also email me at holly@kesley.com. I only check my email about ten million times a day, so it will take me at most, oh, 30 seconds to get back to you. I REALLY hope that this doesn't sound harsh, but I'm just trying to keep Mom's stress levels as low as possible and the phone really does ring nonstop, which is hard when someone is trying to sleep.
I will post more about funeral arrangements for Mom-o tomorrow, when they are complete. We are looking at Saturday for the funeral, but we are still undecided on a visitation time. I can tell you that the visitation and funeral will take place at Heritage Funeral Home on East Brainerd Rd. in Chattanooga. More to come.
First of all, my dear, sweet grandmother passed away today. Thankfully, I was at Mom and Dad's house when the call came, and since Mom was busy with Dad, I took the call. I then broke the news to Mom, which I am sure I did badly, since I've never had to break that kind of news to anyone before. But Mom handled it with grace and she and Laura and I went to the nursing home to be with her and say goodbye before the gentleman from the funeral home got there.
While we were gone, Tim, Joyce Masoner, and the precious hospice nurse, Freda, were with Dad. According to Freda, Dad is "moving through the stages." I'm not sure exactly how quickly he is doing so, but she gives me the feeling that she thinks he might be moving at a quick pace. I really don't know. Things are much the same, though--Dad has some lucid moments, and some that are not so lucid. He is very difficult to understand, and incredibly weak.
Another note: many friends and family have expressed to me that they are grappling with whether or not to call to check up on Mom and Dad. They don't want to be a nuisance; neither do they want to seem unconcerned. Thank you for asking about this! Let me throw this out there--Mom is SO incredibly appreciative of how much everyone cares, but yes, the phone IS ringing off the hook! And of course it is emotionally draining for her to have to recount Dad's condition over and over again. So if you are a regular caregiver or someone who has been in and out, by all means, call. If you are just wanting to check in and see what's needed, please, call Laura or me. Laura can be reached at 423-559-1944 or 423-718-8990. I can be reached at 423-479-4839 or 423-650-5443. We will let you know if anything is needed and we will relay any messages on to Mom. You can also email me at holly@kesley.com. I only check my email about ten million times a day, so it will take me at most, oh, 30 seconds to get back to you. I REALLY hope that this doesn't sound harsh, but I'm just trying to keep Mom's stress levels as low as possible and the phone really does ring nonstop, which is hard when someone is trying to sleep.
I will post more about funeral arrangements for Mom-o tomorrow, when they are complete. We are looking at Saturday for the funeral, but we are still undecided on a visitation time. I can tell you that the visitation and funeral will take place at Heritage Funeral Home on East Brainerd Rd. in Chattanooga. More to come.
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