Weekend Update (but unfortunately...not funny like SNL).

This weekend was a tough one. Dad has been feeling badly, but Saturday and Sunday were the worst I have seen so far. He is just so weak, and most of that stems from being unable to eat, I think. I don't think it's the cancer that's making him so weak at this point--it's the lack of food. I feel so helpless, but he did give me an opportunity to feel less so. My sister Tina makes this amazing seven layer Mexican dip, and she introduced it to all of us at the beach house a few years ago. Laura and I immediately got the recipe from her, and we've been making it ever since. Dad remembered it and said he might be able to work up an interest in eating that, so I got all the ingredients together and made it yesterday and took it over there last night. When I got there he had barely eaten anything all day--part of an Ensure drink and a few odd bites here and there. I don't know if he ate any of the dip or not, but it felt wonderful to be able to just DO something to help.

Danny came up this weekend so they could watch the SEC championship game together. (Danny's a rabid Florida fan and Dad's always been a 'Bama fan). It is ALWAYS a good weekend when Danny is here, so it helped to have him around. He was shocked at the difference in Dad's appearance from the last time he saw Dad (Destin in mid-October) to now. Darrell and Teresa also came up Saturday night, and they had not seen him in three months, since the first weekend in September. They were dumbfounded.

Wayne's funeral was Saturday, and none of us could bring ourselves to go. I didn't make my final decision until an hour or so before (I was very much afraid I would end up regretting it if I didn't go), but in the end...I just couldn't do it. It felt terrible that there was no Williams family representation there, but I have no doubt that Peggy, Nikki, and Chad understand, probably better than anyone else, that we just couldn't deal with that right now. Dealing with a cancer fatality after you've just gotten the terminal cancer diagnosis yourself is...difficult, to say the least.

There was a bright spot in all of this. I got an email from my dear old friend Sydney this weekend. She is a pharmacist and she actually works in the hospital pharmacy at Memorial, where Dad will get his chemotherapy infusions. When she got my email about Dad, she said she is not the chemo pharmacist on Tuesday, but she will be at work, and offered to do whatever she can--eat lunch with Mom, whatever. I know it will help Mom so much to see a friendly and familiar face. Sydney and I went to school together from elementary school until graduation, so Mom has known her for years and it will do her good to have Sydney to ask questions of on Tuesday.

I am still trying to figure out how to process all of this. This is my first time dealing with anything of this magnitude in my life and my brain is almost in overload. I know I need to have a good cry, but honestly...I hate crying. I really do. You get a headache and then you can't breathe and your eyes are all dry and swollen afterward, and it really just sucks. I know it will happen eventually, but I keep trying to put it off. Thankfully, Dad is very matter-of-fact and easy to talk to, so I told him straight up last night that I will be lugging a camera and/or video camera in there pretty much every time I have the kids over. I told him, "I'm not trying to kill you prematurely here, but if this goes south, I need everything I can for the kids." He agreed completely.

Danny stayed with us this weekend and he and I stayed up late Saturday night talking. It felt great to just sit and talk with him. I hated to see him go Sunday morning, but he will be back for Christmas, and he is bringing Stef and Bridget with him.

Mark has been amazing through all this, but he doesn't know what to say or do. So Saturday night, while we were all watching the game, he pulled on his backpack leaf blower and blew all the leaves out of Mom and Dad's yard. I think it helped him to feel like he was doing something useful for Dad.

I have jumped from topic to topic this morning, and for that I apologize. So the last thing I will do is ask for prayer.

Pray:
-that Dad will be able to eat more and that the nausea will ease up some.
-that his first chemo treatment tomorrow will go well and that he will have minimal side effects (he is worried about the nausea--he's had quite enough of that lately already ).
-for Mom as she takes care of both Dad and her mother.
-for my siblings that are far away and feel helpless to do anything.

Thanks for reading and praying.